I found this hashtag circling around YouTube and the idea is to write something to your younger self. This is to honor the International Women’s Day which will be on March 8. This campaign is on YouTube but I would want to share my letter through a blog post. You can do the same too.
I don’t know where to start. I have so many things to say to you that I think this open letter isn’t gonna be enough. But I’ll try to anyway.
My first memory I have was a three year old girl with wondrous eyes full of curiosity singing along to nursery rhyme songs. You were performing to a handful of people that consists of your mom, dad, cousins and aunts. You were a star. I always wondered where that little girl went cos I can’t imagine myself being the center of attention. I guess people do change.
You became a fearful little kid who always get bullied at school. Although you have some few friends, oftentimes, you were always alone by yourself on the outside looking in. An observer. I know those times were so hard for you living in an extroverted world as an introvert. But let me tell you this, it’s okay to feel that way. It’s okay to enjoy being alone cos that’s what you are. Don’t let anybody get you down just because you enjoy your own company. They just don’t understand. Embrace that part of you cos silence doesn’t always mean weakness. Sometimes it means courage. Not giving up, still goes to school even if it was torture, and I think it’s brave of you for doing that despite how much it stresses you out.
Remember that time you stood up for the first time to a bully? I’m so proud you did that because they finally stopped. After 7 years of letting them win, they finally heard your voice. Did you know what I’m more proud of though? You forgave them. Everyone was stunned when you spoke for yourself and that bully said sorry. Just like that. Now that I think of it, I should’ve told you to fight back and do what she has done to you. But you knew better. You didn’t let a tear fall down your face and you look at her in the eye and said it’s okay.
You’ve made some mistakes in the past and sometimes you hate yourself for it. Things happen for a reason and sometimes those mistakes gave us some lessons that we can carry for the rest of our lives. So don’t dwell on it.
You always complain back then how you don’t have many friends, how you feel like no one notices you. But always remember that you are only invisible to those who doesn’t deserve you. You may only have two or three friends but I consider you fortunate. I mean, there are people out there who have so many friends yet they can’t share their fears and dreams to either one of them. Quality over quantity, that’s what they say. And I’m glad you chose to have the former.
Oh, the heartbreak. We’ve all been through that. You cry yourself to sleep, always wondering what went wrong, insecurities go bigger and bigger until you found out that it’s for the better. It’s not your fault and you’ll find someone better along the way. Focus on yourself more and love will just arrive. Someone will look at you with love in his eyes and will forever stay with you. Just wait for it. It will surely come.
You have always lived in fear but there are times that you just go for it. I sometimes think that you were braver back then. I guess I can say I’m a little bit confident now but sometimes, there’s this part of my brain that wants me to just hide from the world. I’m much more scared of my future than you were scared before. So I guess I’ll say this to both my present me and my younger me: It’s okay to be afraid. It’s okay to pause for a while and think. It’s okay to not do what is expected of you to do. It’s okay to stay for awhile in your comfort zone just as long as you move forward little by little each passing day. It’s okay to follow your fears too. You’ll never know if you try. Maybe you just have to get used to that fear until it goes away. Do it not because you have to with a heavy heart but do it because you want to. Do what makes you happy cos in the end, it’s what all that matters.
How about you? What would you tell to your younger self?